From Leilani. xoxo

not sure baby if you ever gonna notice about your olg blog which left unattended,
i just wanna say i love you with all my heart and hope we can do this forever<3 nbsp="">

A week without talking to you for more than 2 sentences

Its been a week since we last talk. I duno what happen. i msg u, there was a cold reply or there isn't any. =/ still awaiting for u to contact me as u say u will text me other days. but i wonder when. if its becos of ur bf, u could jus tel me so. we are alrdy more than jus frens isn't it? i'm really missing u deep down in my heart. i dun want things to change. you said it urself too. =(

3 hours before fieldcamp

Jus 3 more hours till moving out from bunk till outfield camp, lying on the bed thinking about you.
Something that i have been thinking about. I'm still contradicting about my decisions although i know i shld stay strong on it. Perhaps this is the bad things about me ba. But i really wanna stay strong on my decision to go to like you like this. So many chances i had but didn't manage to get hold of it.

This time round i gonna stay strong, do not wanna care about how other ppl would think of me even if i gonna be a bad person.

Seeing your smile always melts my heart and brighten my day, which is y i'm always making you laugh to see your smile.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know life so far away
But I know that its just a trip
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I'Ve build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


i'm gonna miss you keai. it would be 3 days not being able to talk to u. =(

Thinking deep and hard

I'm thinking of you every now and then keai , i not sure if it's right.

Jus following what my heart is saying.

4mths plus after enlistment

Life in army have been filling up my life now. Have been getting fitter and fitter and getting to know more about our Singapore army and train to be a soldier to protect our loves ones and so is our country.

Life in army have been alright, my friends all were sort of worried i would be turn down by the life of army as i wouldn't have much freedom. i agree this to a certain extend.

That one day when i message Janice from kiehl's. she was asking me about how's life in camp and how is my love life. i told her life in camp was great as my bunk mates are all enthusiast and helpful. Love life wise boring. still the same.

Just the other day, i was talking to my friend that our life seems kind of bored/sian without having a 'target girl' to go after. it seems like part of our life is missing which is LOVE.

There isn't someone who we just wanna share our happiness, sadness and nonsense with. =(

Just a few hours ago, i was out dinner with 2 friend, we were chit chatting away that, we seems to be unable to know what's the feeling like of being love and to love someone already. And this was true. We lost touch of it.

All that i wanted was just a simple love life or relationship. i never knew that it would be this hard. If i didn't remember wrongly, it caught me so hard that i felt to give up on it as it was so tiring. All ideals GFs that i could have are all attached already and none are left.

I have lots of regrets though.

Now inside SCS le, life in army would be more n more xiong during this period of time as its a specialist course. i really do miss being in a relationship. sigh.

Counting down....

Today its 23rd alrdy, 11 more days till i'm enlisted to NS. And each single day that jus pass seems to be pointless.. i duno how to put it but, i jus miss you and wanna talk to you that badly. i do not know of what ways i'm able to talk to you. or maybe till the veri day i go tekong alrdy, we probably still wont talk ba. sigh...

shld i carry on or shld i jus back off alrdy? enlighten me.

ytd i jus told janice that when a guy going after a girl, he shldn't show him attitude and signs of emoness, but today here i am, emo-ing away. thinking back, what exactly went wrong? clueless still i am. There are so many possibilities, but i chose not to believe in those.

soh, sis, zw alrdy asleep on the bed except me. hahas dazing onto the com, thinking how was your performance today? =/
Hesitated i was today, whether to go down to support you anot, thinking see you le then? what if you really dun wanna see me/ or tok to me? would i spolit your day and such.

i'm seriously am thinking too much, aren't i? slack my day off at home till go back shop pass uniform and come soh hse. arghhh...

i can't get you off my head. you leave me breathless. really and seriously. =/

Cursed hand. LOLS

Sigh.. My hand duno is recovering or worsening sia. Its like the patch is spreading.. =.= stupid sia!! idiotic medics who duno how to get blood from me.. RAGHHH!!!


This is my right hand. Blood test was taken at SGH, it wasn't that worse compare to the ones below.

LOOK BELOW!!!

Day 4

Day 4 - Second view.

7th day. look... its like chao ta skin la. =.= Its a biggest Blue black i ever kanna sia.

but it seems not as dark as the past few days..

Please recover soon. Its super pain and i can't lie on it to slp. >.<

Pray for me to recover soon ppl.

hahas.. i miss my keai!! its been decades since i last see her..

I'm late for work today, woke up at 830 whereby i have to rch by 830. I'm super tired for this few days, not sure why also, but aniwae... going to slp now. so bye!